Since my diagnosis a few months ago, I have done loads of research on BPD, Bipolar, Dissociative disorders, Schizoaffective, Schizophrenia, and numerous other disorders, but mainly focused on BPD due to my own personal diagnosis. I have watched nearly all the youtube videos, and read countless discussions, forums, descriptions, common diagnosis that can be dualed with BPD and have become somewhat confused.... At first I was so sure that I finally had an answer... But the more I read and watched videos the more I became sure that people were either describing it inaccurately, had a much less severe case, or just generally had no clue what they were talking about.
Finally, I came across a video that explained the likenesses between BPD and Dissociative Identity Disorder.. I listened and understood it all... The more I read about the Dissociative Identity Disorder the more I became certain that I had it... I have 95% of the symptoms listed and can completely relate to the feelings of disassociating completely, feeling completely zero emotion whatsoever, having the ability to shut down pain as soon as I begin to feel uncomfortable, having a face that can't be read and is completely stoic, experiencing daily amnesia trying to recall exactly how my day had gone and extreme amnesia regarding days before and tons of missing childhood memory, occasionally feeling as if I'm watching myself go but I'm not really the one in control, feeling like the world around me doesn't feel real (like I'm floating through a dream even though I know that I am not), looking at myself in the mirror in strange, psychotic ways as though it isn't even me that I'm looking at... (I hate when I do that!!!) Being easily startled by things that I constantly think that I see out of the corner of my eye but when I look nothing is there (it makes me jump and my heart races every time), having a negative reel of feedback inside my head when I am doing something and feel annoyed/disgusted with someone or am pushing myself to work "faster, faster, faster". Occasionally being unsure of whether the things I experienced actually happened in a dream, and I have literally experienced my whole demeanor/sentence structure/posture change at the snap of a finger many times because of what kind of situation I am in. As if the perfect Brittany shows up to take over and keep things from messing up. It was less than a week ago and it was such a drastic, immediate change that I was actually about to notice that it had happened. My boyfriend was sitting next to me during it all and I couldn't figure out why he was looking at my like he hadn't met me before. It wasn't until later that I reflected on what I had done....
And I experience every other symptom characterized as a DID symptom ASIDE FROM:
-Finding myself in places that and being unsure how I got there
-Finding things I have bought that I don't remember purchasing
-Seeing/hearing things that aren't there (although I'm not sure if what I mentioned before would actually qualify and seeing/hearing things)
After this realization and countless hours of research, I finally decided to do the unmentionable and take a few online quizzes. Of course, with BPD quizzes, I always qualify. And with Bipolar disorder quizzes and Mania testing, I always qualify...
But the DID quizzes are a little different..... They take your results and score you from 0-100, 30 and above usually means you could qualify for a diagnosis of DID....And that [b]most[/b] people who have been clinically diagnosed with DID score in the 40's. My score was 45 every time.
I am convinced I have DID and have either been misdiagnosed with BPD or have a dual-diagnosis. I also struggle with an eating disorder, which is common with Dissociative Identity Disorder (as well as others, but as you can tell, I'm pretty convinced that I've got DID).
What do you guys think???? Please give me feedback because I really need it. It's why I am here. ...
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